Have you already read the article about me and how I finally understood during my time in Mozambique that “making art” is part of me? Then you may remember how I was allowed to paint over and over again pictures there for several weeks in a row, which then served as a gift for one of the guest speakers. In the end it was such a freedom to know that I am allowed to simply implement the image I see in the spirit and that I am able to do so too. No matter how perfect or imperfect it comes out. The main thing is that I express what was shown to me. With every single picture I gained more freedom, but also more self-confidence. Although self-confidence is certainly the wrong word. I gained "God-fidence", that is, trust that He is in what I do and I don't have to worry too much.
The picture above was the last I painted there. For me a very special picture.
Burn
There was no class on the first Monday of each month and no guest speaker missionary report. All we did was make music together. A few words about this, if you are still new to this world: this type of music-making that we practiced is called "worship music". Nowadays it is mainly represented in the pop music style. There are certainly many other styles in which worship music can be found. Ultimately, every culture has its own. What makes this music so special is the attitude of the heart behind it. As the name suggests, it is about worship. Very briefly described, worship is about realizing how wonderful and unique the one (or that) you are worshiping is. It mainly happens internally and can happen very consciously, but also unconsciously. One is grateful for the one whom one adores and the more one recognizes who he is, the more “the degree of adoration” increases. Even if I say that this is something that mainly happens internally, it can still be expressed externally. We find an example of this in the first part of the Bible, in the story of King David. There we read how he danced ecstatically in adoration before God. Since worship is still something internal that only emerges to the outside, it is often not understood by “spectators”. In the example of King David, his wife Micah branded him - in my words - freaky and disrespectful. Music as such is one of the oldest forms of portraying the depths of the soul. So it happens that it is used in all possible cultures to express oneself to God. There are songs that are about God and there are songs that are addressed to Him. The latter includes worship music, one can almost say that it is sung prayer.
Back to our Mondays that I mentioned at the beginning, these were all about this worship. We started at five in the morning and finished at five in the afternoon. That was our "burn", a fitting term to express burning devotion and passion. There we were with about 250 students under the pavilion, which was our “classroom”. Standing or sitting, dancing or lying on simple straw mats. Some were on the instrument, others sang, familiar songs or improvisations. Joy, tears, encouragement, realizations, inner healings, everything mixed with it. Again and again someone sits there and diligently writes in the notebook what he has just felt and thought in his heart, because the God we worship is a living God, a God who is able to answer and who teaches us to hear Him, to distinguish His speech from other voices.
What are you showing me
After it was such a "difficult birth" to paint this first picture back then in Mozambique - you may remember the picture that Pastor Surprise got - so I now experienced a breakthrough. I learned to see again. Not with my physical eye this time. Suddenly it was super easy for me to see pictures in my mind. Especially in such longer times of worship when I am really deeply connected with my spirit, with my soul and with God, who is spirit. The whole thing became like a new means of communication between my spirit and the Spirit of God. Probably what you are reading in these lines is brand new to you. Or maybe you even know exactly what I'm talking about. In any case, as a “means of communication” it has now become something very conscious for me, consisting of the alternation of action and reaction. I see something in my inner eye, I perceive it and look at it closely.
Then I ask why God is showing me this, why I should see this. The Spirit of God explains something to me, doesn't use words, but shows me a picture, shows me a place, lets me feel something, I “listen” carefully, I “look” carefully, I “feel” exactly. Sometimes I see it like a picture, sometimes I see it like a place and sometimes the picture changes to a place. In my experience, images in the mind are not static, not "still life" they are dynamic and three-dimensional, or multidimensional. Images in the mind can even contain something touchable, something tangible. This is the world that has opened up to me since then.
Sometimes, in a second of viewing, a picture explains more than a whole sermon than a whole lecture. It triggers a dance inside, which consists of questions and answers, open questions, unexpected answers, sensations such as joy, curiosity, sadness or even disgust. You decide whether you take a closer look, get in, or go out. Memories are added, beliefs are consolidated or are shaken and called into question. You learn something, you have a new experience. How much more do you learn if you not only hear something but experience it? The Spirit of God, the living God, takes your hand and leads you into an experience, an experience through which he wants to show you something, want to heal you, teach you something or just want to spend time with you. Even if my words that I share about the pictures should serve to take you inside, to show what stands for me behind these pictures, it is still not entirely possible. Every picture is connected to experiences that I have perceived in so many layers of myself that words are simply too limited for. But I know that the spirit that took me by the hand and brought me to this place of events, which is the spirit of God, is also able to take you by the hand. "Listen carefully" to what happens inside you when you read all of this, when you look at the picture, when feelings stir within you. Ask why you think what you think or feel what you feel and ask the spirit of the living God to show you even more or ask him if he has "something to add". Don't be surprised if you don't "hear" it until later. For example, when you are relaxing in the shower. Suddenly you have the picture in front of your eyes again and fully feel joy or annoyance. Then it may be that in the next moment you see a sequence from what you have experienced, from your past. A root could become recognizable, something where your feelings come from. If it is joy it can lead to worship, if it is offense it can lead to healing.
The alabaster jar
An alabaster vessel is a vessel in which very valuable anointing oils were kept. We read in the Bible how a woman broke such a vessel at Jesus' feet to anoint his feet with it. It wasn't just any woman, but a prostitute. At that time, within Judaism, it was a great sin to “clergymen” (e.g. Pharisees) to be around such a woman. In fact, it wasn't generally good to be around a woman because they were considered second class people, possessions, as is still done today in some Middle Eastern cultures. These beliefs have evolved over the centuries. At no point had God ever commanded such a thing. In Jesus' walk here on earth, we see and recognize again and again the true heart of God. Jesus in human form did not come to judge, but to reveal our Heavenly Father. Now let's read together the passage from the Bible about the woman with the anointing oil from Luke 7: 36-38 ESV:
One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee's house and reclined at table. And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment.
This woman did something, say, very special from several perspectives. First of all, she comes uninvited into a scholar's house (where probably only men attended the party). That as a woman and as a well-known town whore. You can't even imagine what outrage and other reactions that alone triggered and what consequences that had or could have had for this woman. However, she didn't seem to care. Furthermore, she wasn't even interested in the host, whom she had just "dishonored", made no decency to apologize or explain anything else. When she then kneeled at the feet of Jesus and wept, from the outside it may have appeared as if she was harassing a guest and one can imagine what possible unpleasant thoughts went through the hearts and minds of those present at this point in time. Finally, she breaks the alabaster jar and anoints his FEET. The whole room is filled with the wonderful aroma of the anointing oil.
"Unheard of, this behavior, and what a waste of the precious oil," the Pharisees might have thought. In addition, then probably came the realization of how this woman paid to buy this oil. With sin, abominations, and uncleanness. Just to give you an idea, a bottle of such oil was worth around one year's salary. The Pharisees were known for their love of money and wealth and how much they dressed and adorned themselves with it. Their reputation among the people was very important to them, which is expressed to us in various contexts in the Bible, and which Jesus often addressed, to their displeasure, of course. Now there is this woman, a whore, who uses all of a year's worth of oil on unwashed feet. You have to remember that the streets looked different from those of today. So many animals were in use, their excrements were everywhere. Plus all the dust. It was the custom to wash your feet before entering a house, they were so dirty. In this case, Jesus' feet were not washed, which you will find out if you read on. She dried the now tear-washed feet with her hair and kissed them again and again. I can imagine how disgust reached its climax in the hearts of the Pharisees and everything in them cries "what an uncleanness !!!" But Jesus saw it differently, he recognized what was happening here.
Life - a drink offering
When I look at this bottle of oil, I see someones life. In this vessel are her sufferings, her pains, the abuse she has experienced and all the contempt for her. These hid her beauty, her value that was once there and should now be revealed again. This woman paid more than you can imagine. The money she raised to buy this oil cost her more than can be put into words. She knows exactly about her guilt, every little detail of what she did wrong, where she hurt the heart of God. Nobody has to give her her place. She takes the lowest place all by herself and humiliates herself at his feet. She pours out her life there and embalms it in his feet. With the oil on his feet, with her life on his feet, her heart screams: "Wherever you go, I want to go too", while everyone blows up in indignation and wants to chase them away like a stray dog, but not Jesus . Some look at it and say: "What a waste", but in fact the valuable oil gains its true value at precisely that moment, and the woman is awarded her own. Jesus says:
Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?" And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” Luke 7: 47-50 ESV
This woman actually believed something. She believed that what she was doing was worth doing. She has believed that no matter what anyone says about her or wants to do to her, when she reaches the feet of Jesus that her life is safe. She didn't come to get anything, but to give everything. And because she was ready to give everything, she got everything. We don't read how she knew about Jesus and what she knew about him, but what we can infer, whatever she thought of him, she was convinced of it. She was focused and knew that she had to go to Jesus at all costs, and that right now, not later, not tomorrow, she had to follow what she had firmly established in her heart.
Whoever sees me sees the Father John 14: 9
Jesus came to reveal the Father. When we see how Jesus reacts, we see how the Father reacts. The Father always sees something beautiful, infinitely valuable in you. In each of us. Not because of what you're doing, but because he knows exactly what he's put into you. No matter how deeply we or the people around us have buried it in us, no matter how dirty we are or are entangled in unsightly things, and may the world reject us, not Jesus, not the Father. It says from 1 Samuel 7:
A person sees what is in front of his eyes; but the Lord looks at the heart.
Even if people reject you and don't understand, they just don't see who you are. Even if you don't see yourself, Jesus sees you and the Father knows you. We don't need to hide like Adam and Eve in the garden when we think we have done something wrong or when we have totally messed up something. The father is gracious beyond measure. That's what Jesus shows us here. He who humbles himself, he will exalt him (from Matthew 23:12). That means, even if you have done everything you can in front of the wall, and then come before God and admit it, give it to him like a broken vessel in his hand, then he will rebuild it. He will rebuild you. We are not made to make this life alone. There's no shame in walking in the wrong direction. But when you recognize that it is the wrong direction, don't be stubborn like the Pharisees who didn't want to be told because they are convinced that they already know everything, but turn around.
To be guided
If God is God and who he says he is, then of course he is more knowing than we will ever be (no matter how much our knowledge increases). He sees things we don't see and understands things we don't understand. Our brain is not like God. If it were so, what kind of god would that be, one that could be packed into the box of our head. It is just like a father who knows more than a small child and can understand more than a small child. (Even if the comparison has limits, of course, every comparison and every illustration has that). It can happen that sometimes, or often, we do not understand and will understand why we should or should not do something. All that God needs to bring our life into the bloom that he has planned is our trust. If we stubbornly hold on to the fact that we think we know everything and know everything better, then he cannot guide us. Because he won't force us. Anyone who lives such a life should be aware, however, that if everything goes wrong, you have to bear the responsibility yourself and pay the price yourself. Those who give themselves away to God, like this woman who figuratively rubbed her life into Jesus' feet, have the freedom to simply walk. Because through the existing trust and the existing relationship, through running together, missteps can be corrected very quickly and are no longer worth talking about.
Who owns your life
I saw this picture of the broken vessel one evening during the time of worship. Then on one of the “Burn” Mondays I painted it with the few resources I had. The anointing oil ran out and it looked like a waste. However, it was only when it was broken that what was inside came to light. A universe of beauty, the depths of the soul with all its wonderful facets, colors and talents. That is because the vessel did not break accidentally, as something accidentally breaks, but because it was broken at Jesus' feet, to thank him and to worship him. To anoint something means to “separate” something from the everyday for a specific purpose. This is how something ordinary can become something special. Jesus Christ is the "anointed" one who was anointed from above. This woman, a human, anointed him from below. God the Father anointed him with his life, with the Holy Spirit, she anointed him with her life. She realized that he is not here for a purpose for himself, but to live and give his life for us humans. She gives him her life in return. She accepted his life and he accepted her life. She accepted his sacrifice, he accepted hers. Jesus is the link between heaven and earth, between God and man.
Many years ago I messed up my life a lot. Ultimately, I was like this woman, with the difference that not the whole city knew about my life. Or at least my family and friends didn't know how bad it was for me. To a large extent I was able to hide everything, but much was also visible. I denied that I was in a bad way when someone spoke to me about it. When I understood what this God who consists of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is all about, and what role the Son, that means Jesus, plays in the whole, I realized that my life is much better saved in his hands is than in mine. So much has changed since then and I have been healed and restored in so much. It is important to me to know his heart, to know what hurts him and what makes him happy. Jesus is everything I have and everything I need is contained in him. He supports me in every area of my life. I know it's important to him that I'm fine and that I blossom into who I am supposed to be. In the same way, I want him to be well with me, since he and the father have moved in with me (John 14:23 Jesus answered and said to him, He who loves me will keep my word; and my father will love him, and we will come to him and make an apartment with him.). I want them to feel at home with me and I don't want to do anything that hurts or bothers them. God's grace is new every day, he helps me anew every day.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him. ”The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.Lamentations 3: 22-26
If yesterday didn't go so well, today is the day of the new beginning. If this morning didn't go so well, NOW is the moment to start over. I no longer hold on to my own. And if it does happen, the Spirit of God draws my attention to it. Everything is dynamic, everything is organic. He's my father, he's my friend and the one who corrects me when he has to. When he does that, he does it with love, not like us humans walking around and judging and accusing others. I know I can trust him, even the most delicate parts of my heart and life are safe with him. Everything you read here is something you have to grow into. You start with basic trust, just like a child is born. It continues with a developed trust. My life is supposed to be worship. An expression of what I feel inside. It may be that you do not understand it from the outside, like with King David, it may be that you see it from the outside to be wasteful, like the woman from this story. But I know what I believe and I know who I trust, I know who I was and I know who I am, I know where I'm from and I know where I'm going. I know where my treasure is, and where my treasure is, there is my heart too.
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