I am an artist.
I am a manager.
I am a social worker.
I am hetero.
I am a musician.
I am a footballer.
I am a girl.
I am vegan.
I am German.
I am white.
I am successful.
I am a good citizen.
I am student.
I am unemployed.
I am depressed.
I am aggressive.
I am not wanted.
I am helpful.
I am reliable.
I am trained.
I am eloquent.
I am the chef.
I am a mother.
I am a friend.
I am lazy.
I am a late riser.
I am a loser.
I am a liar.
I am a philanthropist.
I am a foreigner.
I am spiritual.
I am intellectual.
I am a scientist.
I am a doctor.
I am a pilot.
I am high.
I am lost!
I am poor.
I am rich.
I am big.
I am small.
I am for it.
I am against it.
I am loud.
I am mute.
I am smart.
I am stupid.
I am sick.
I am healthy.
I am a traveler.
I am an orphan.
I am home.
I have been found!
Who gives me my identity?
Where can I get it from? Do I have it from the beginning? Since when do I have it? Can I lose it? Can you take it away from me?
Who can shape it? Do I have to take care of it? Who teaches me who I am?
Does my ability determine who I am? My look? What I like or dislike? How can I be sure that the picture I have of my identity is correct? How can I check it? By feelings, by what I feel?
Are feelings trustworthy? Are they real? How do they come about? Can they be manipulated? Can anyone just come and manipulate them? Do I feel what I feel or do I feel what I should feel?
Who could be interested to make me feel a certain way and why?
Is it what others say about me? Can I get it through words? By recognition? What should I do? Do I have to stand out? Do I have to hide? Do I have to scream so that others can see who I am? So then I know who I am?
Is it a title? A label? A number?
Does this come from what I know, what I've learned?
My culture maybe? Rituals that I perform? My religion? Through my kids?
Is it that what makes me different from others? What I do? What am I doing? What I enjoy or what makes me sad? Is it the state I live in? The textbook I'm learning from? My friends? The Internet? Facebook or Instagram? My photos? My videos? The box I'm in?
Can I see it in the mirror? Can I touch it or feel it? Does it have rules that I have to follow? Does it demand anything of me? Can I act against it? Can I hurt it? How can I walk accordingly? Can anyone else hurt it? Can it be completely destroyed? Can it be cured? Restored? Can it be wrong? How do I know that it is correct?
Who tells me about it? Is it what others say about me? A doctor? A psychologist?
My culture? My religion? Wikipedia? What I like or dislike? My preferences and interests? My community? My homies? The Federal Ministry for such and such? The curriculum? The WHO? My teacher?
Others who feel or think the same?
Others who feel or think differently?
Maybe a talent test?
Who am I and where do I get the security of knowing that what I believe is true?
Where do I come from? And where am I going? Do I find it where I go or did I get it where I come from? How does it determine my path? What difference does it make if I know it very well? How do I live if I know exactly who I am? How does it affect my behavior towards others? How do I then make my decisions? How do I then choose what I do or don't do? How do I then choose how I live or not? How does that affect my thinking, my feelings? How does it shape my social behavior? My relationships? How does it affect my sense of responsibility?
What do I then think about when I wake up in the morning or when I go to bed in the evening? How does this then affect my handling of money? My handling with what I have?
Does it make a difference whether I know my identity for sure or not!
Who gives me the security of being right, who confirms who I am? How do I live when I'm unsure and can't get steadfast answers to my questions?
Who are you?
Our family is the strongest influence, which shapes us the most. And for those who “don't have one” the fact that they grow up without one is shaping, too. Not only do we get a lot of expression from our parents' genes, but also from what we unconsciously or consciously observe in them. The things we hear from mom and dad are deeply imprinted, be they good or bad. And what we believe, what they think about us, makes so much about what we think of ourselves and how we perceive ourselves. We may agree or strive to be the opposite, but the fact is, it matters a lot to us. Well, and even if you don't have a mom or dad, that speaks a loud language. All the louder when you see how others are part of a family. A lot of our value we draw from our childhood. Parents, grandmas, grandpas, kindergarten teachers, teachers, other children. It is because the way a human is structured, how the brain works, that these experiences go very deep at this age. It is not the same way easygoing to change it in later years.
So there it is, the question: who are you?
What do we answer? Most of the time we then give our name. Or we tell our profession, or our student status. We call a relationship context “the girlfriend of such and such”. Or make a title out of our hobby or the competitive sport we do "I'm a musician, I'm a footballer". Or perhaps our "rank" and we say "I am the director ..., the owner of ..., the chairman for ...".
Again: Do I acquire my identity or do I get it? Do I have it from the start? Do I choose it? Can I make a wrong decision? Is there an identity I am meant for? What happens if I miss it? How do I feel, how do I live if I don't live according to my destiny? If I still feel good every now and then, how fatal is it if I have been in the wrong identity all my life? Does it make a difference? If so, which? Can I change it?
Who's your Daddy
We all belong to the family of God, and yet many have run away and want to do their own thing. I ran away myself, did my own thing. Running away from home puts you in the identity of an orphan. Gradually, the actions and thinking adapt to this identity.
Orphans children, children without a family, without a home, often show very specific features in their character. They have learned to fight for their life. They are dependent to detect the intentions of other people very well, because they often put themselves in great dangers to get clothes or food. In Mozambique where we were in 2017/18, the stories are unfortunately quite a few that little girls submit themselves to men sexually in order to get a Coke in return. Unfortunately, this is not only a problem in Mozambique. For an orphan, every day involves so many dangers and insecurities, one day you have accommodation, the other day you don't. What is a home?
It can also happen that such a child submits to a “corrupt father”. He often has a lot of children, sends these begging, or to work hard, exploits them. Sometimes they join him voluntarily, sometimes he subdues them. With lies and corrupt means he literally keeps them on a leash. These children became Slaves. Especially when a child ends up with the "corrupt father" at an early age, everything that it sees when it grows up is more or less normal. It may not even become aware of its oppression because it knows nothing but obedience. It has felt the consequences of disobedience many times and developed a kind of "loyalty out of fear". Ultimately, this loyalty apparently allows the child to have more “freedom”. Because it has increasingly proven to be reliable, it is allowed more than others or new ones. It got used to the ill-treatment, as it just belongs to the life it is living.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.’”) For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, he has made him known. John 1, 1-18 (ESV; emphasis by the author)
The light spoken of here is Jesus Christ. I know, some of you who read this twitch in their stomach. It was the same with me in the past. “This Jesus again”. I didn't question my reaction and feelings for a very long time. My new "father" (the corrupt one) has very subtly planted an aversion to my thinking about Christ over the years. I was allowed to do everything, I could do Buddhism, Hinduism, Zen, with all kinds of supernatural, only I should stay away from this "arrogant Jesus". This name alone had such a strong trigger that I felt somehow attacked when someone pronounced this name. Either I fell into a discussion or quickly changed the subject. Kind of strange when you think about it like that. I already believed in God, but more like a kind of memory from an earlier time, from my earlier childhood. He had no real place in my life. And I didn't know who this boy in the stable was, who obviously seems to be a good person, but what has he to do with me personally?
John writes these introductory words of a historical event that he would like to tell as a witness. (The first four “books” from the second part of the Bible are, so to speak, eyewitness accounts from the same time period. As with four different eyewitnesses, we see four slightly different perspectives, even if they are the same events. Johns' spelling is quite poetic in many places. Even if one reads further letters from him from the Bible it becomes clear that his focus is always on love. The love of God, the love of Christ and how love for one another should determine our lives.)
In his introductory words, he gives us a summary of everything he has understood and observed.
We read that not everyone accepted Jesus for who he is, but for those who did, he gave the right to become children of God.
He further describes that this "becoming child of God" – now in my words - does not come along because you want it to be, or because you do particularly great things, or someone or you yourself simply say now, "I am child of God." He describes that it comes because you are born of God.
This may be a little strange to understand when you hear this for the first time, but don't be upset about it.
The spirit in every one of us is dead. Why? Because we inherited this dead spirit from our "forefather and formother”, which now runs through all generations. Do you remember when the snake said to Adam and Eve that one dies after eating the forbidden tree? Well, maybe you noticed that after they ate they didn't dropped dead straight away. Our spirit is the part of us that can be in deep connection with God. In fact, it is the spirit that is said to be made in God's image. Because God is spirit. This part died in Adam and Eve, just as our body draws life from eating and drinking, so the Spirit draws life from the connection with God. Exactly this has been separated after the tree and the spirit has died. (Have you ever noticed that today we have real problems distinguishing spirit [pneuma] from the soul [psyche]. We use them almost synonymously, which is because the soul is there and we can understand it, but the spirit we do only understand when it is newborn in us.) Adam and Eve have decided to go their own way, which is another story in itself. They chose to live in separation from God, they chose not to trust him. We ourselves actually did the same thing. Even if we were “raised by our parents in the faith”, because nobody can show a perfect walk (according to God's standard).
Like a child with an orphan mentality who has run away from home, we may fight every day and find it difficult to trust, to rely on someone other than ourselves. Especially not in someone you can't see with your eyes. The "corrupt father" is actually quite powerless, but by having many children on earth, he can wage war, overturn systems and exploit other people and live out his lust for power and influence. He needs his followers. He can´t do anything without them. He needs “vessels” to work through. He doesn't want to lose me, doesn't want to lose you.
"Stay away from this Jesus. Who does he think he is? The center of the world? You can get along without him. Look how well you've managed without him so far, what you've accomplished without him. And anyway, where was he when you were feeling bad? When one of his representatives mistreated you, yelled at you and beat you? Did he watch it happen? Isn´t he responsible for it! It is his regulations that you have broken, which is why his representative treated you that way. I am not this way, I am different. We have our own law. You can do whatever you want. ” Quote: old serpent aka father of corruption
Maybe you have heard of Joseph Konys child-soldiers? He subdues these children to himself through fear, oppression and blackmail. These are the classics. Either the subtle way of: "I offer you something you can't refuse. My offer is better than anything else” and if it doesn't work or no longer works then: “Woe you dare not obey me and run away”.
When I was under the direction of the "corrupt father", it was more the first variant. I can do what I want and still know what is best for me. I hope you get the concept, that this “father” I speak of is in a spiritual sense.
Back to the garden
Jesus Christ has come to invite us back home, the big brother who is roaming the whole country. He is looking for me and you to tell us that Papa is not upset that we ran away, that he is not upset, or disappointed with all the bad things we did. He wants us to know that he knows the "corrupt father" and that he knows that whoever follows him must suffer. That one ultimately even is being forced to do bad stuff. Jesus wants to tell us that the Father wants to bandage our wounds and hold us in his arms. Jesus came to reconcile us with the Father. Because he has life for us, and plenty of it. He has sent his spirit to the world so that everyone who believes in him, that is, who he is and what he has done, can be born again in the spirit and thus be a child of God. A Child of light.
At some point, I personally questioned my thinking and my convictions, and asked myself the question on what basis I have all my “prejudices” about, Jesus, about “Christians”, about the Church or the Bible. Actually, we don´t hear those thoughts in our minds in the third person like I quoted the old serpent above. Actually, if we have thoughts like this, they are more or less in the I-form. "I do not need anyone. I can do it alone. I want to do what I want. I know best what is good for me. Where was God when bad stuff happened to me?” And so on. When I stopped and looked at what was running around in my head and heart, I found that much of what I believe or confess is somehow not from myself. The beliefs all came from theories that I never researched. Or from the opinions of others, what others have said at some point, somewhere. And last but not least from injuries or disappointments from “God's representatives” here on earth, for example within my family or the church. At this point I could uncover a lot of lies and constructs for you that ultimately kept me from asking the right questions with an open heart - but to shorten the story at this point, finally I asked God for myself. "If you can do something with my life, please take the helm."
That was when my journey with and in God began, and there has been new land to discover every day since then, so much that I could fill books of it. But let us go on here and take this more general and let's look at what makes an orphan so different from a child within a family (- in both cases I portrait extremes).
A child of the Heavenly Father
What does it mean to have a good father? If we look again at what this orphan mentality entails, we can contrast it with what it means to be a child of a good father. Let's start with having a home. You feel belonging to somewhere, you know where you come from, you represent your family customs outside. Heavenly Father is generous and his refrigerator is never empty, he cares for you and doesn't want you to worry. You should have clothes and eat enough. The father disciplines you in a good educational way, but he does not abuse you or uses other corrupt ways to box his will towards you. He loves your individuality and promotes every facet of your character. It is his aim that you learn and grow, he lets you make mistakes and if you did he never accuses you as soon as you turn to him, e.g. after you messed up and you are sorry. I know some things sound like a dream. We are shaped by life, are shaped by our earthly fathers and father figures in our lives, who certainly have not acted towards us to perfection. In addition there is the image of God which we have accepted from people. My grandmother, for example, has always threatened that if I don't obey, the "Savior" will punish me. No wonder that years later I felt a twitch in the stomach when I heard the term “Savior” and wanted to get away from him instead of wanting to go to him. We are dependent on being open to him and saying: "I would like to come home, but I do not know you, help me to trust you, help me to get to know you as you really are."
The fight against the orphan mentality
In Mozambique, the ministrie with which we were there built several orphanages, schools and now even a university. They look after orphan babies and widows with their children. And even though many absurdly have a smartphone in this country, many still live in simple, half-decayed mud huts. A lot of children skip school and run around from morning to night because, like the orphans, they are looking for care. Just having a home does not mean that one is not an orphan at heart. For example, if a child is now admitted to a family in these orphanages, it sometimes takes years for these children to also arrive at home inside.
As orphans they had to fight for recognition, they knew that the "corrupt father" does not treat everyone the same fair way. You have to be better than the others, be more productive, think up special things to get praise and recognition. You fight for your identity every day because you don't know where you come from and you don't know where you are going. The past is pale and painful, the future uncertain and presumably and without hope.
To be home means to be free.
The children who have been in the orphanages for a long time and who have accepted this as their home, have learned to trust the carers, know that family is where they can be free. So they act in these freedoms. They do not "steal" cola from the fridge, but know that they can simply take it. They like to give away their toys and share freely. They don't overeat, or put something aside because they know tomorrow there is something new. They know that if they have done something stupid, they can simply admit it because they will not be mistreated. And even if you then teach them a lesson, they know that they can just come and you still hold them in your arms because love doesn't depend on their actions.
Living in Heavenly Father's house, being his child also means being his heir. Everything that is his is yours. He educates you to manage this heritage well and to multiply the seeds he gives you. He knows you so well, knows the character of his children so well that he expects everyone to do just as much as he knows that you can accomplish. There is no competition in his house, because he knows everyone and if everyone just accomplishes exactly what he has been given, then he has filled his position. There is no: "one is better and has done more". So everyone can join in in the joy with his fellow.
Now this previous orphan child arrived at its new home and excepted it as such, it still is unsure as it does not yet know the people there. There is still no trust and it is still stuck in the old patterns, struggling for recognition, or hiding and trying not to attract attention, not to annoy the leaders or new parents. It may be jealous of the other siblings and does not yet understand that the "father", or in this case, the caregivers mean well with him.
This is to illustrate that it is very natural that where we come from, we first bring suspicion. We just don't know the father.
The question is, do you want to meet him? Would you like to take off the “glasses of your perceptions” and invite him to show you the true way he is? Do you want to see how he really thinks about you, what plans he has for your life and how well he knows your heart and your desires?
He has good thoughts about you, thoughts of peace and success.
And suddenly you stand there, you know where you are from, you know where you are going, you know where your care comes from, you know what you are called to do, you know what you are carrying in your backpack, what is supposed to help you accomplish your calling, you know your individuality and how your father loves every facet of it, you know that you are not a coincidence and that there was a plan for your life even before you were formed in your mother's womb. My identity? A Child of God! A Child of the light!
No way alone
One of my earliest memories is that I remember exactly how small my hand was and how big my dad's finger was. I remember how we walked in the park. I was so small that my head was approximately at the level of his thigh. We were already on the way back home, I could already see our house in the distance. I went to his left side, his big index finger in my little hand. His hand was warm. There is no fear on Papa's hand. I didn't think about tomorrow, not yesterday, didn't think if I would ever get anything to eat again, if I had to be naked tomorrow or where I would sleep tonight. I am taken care of, I do not have to take care of myself. Not then and not today. To be cared for means to be loved, to be loved, to be at home in a family.
All that Heavenly Father needs to perfect his work in our lives is our trust. Because without trust, it can happen that we always remain orphans, even while at our father's house.
Do you want to go home?
Where do you find yourself? Have you already returned home? If so, what about your mentality? Do you find an orphan mentality in your thinking after comparing with everything you just read, or have you already arrived in your identity as a child of God? Maybe it is also subject to fluctuations? Hold on. Your God is a living God who answers those who ask him with a sincere heart. Invite him to clean up your thinking and co-work this thing out with you. He can help you better than anyone. It is his will that you live free from worries and fears and that you can trust him for your cares.
If you are still looking from afar or cannot say for sure where you find yourself, then know that the living God is right there at your side, ready to meet you. God is God. He is always there, always close. He is waiting for you and has already opened the door and set the table for you. The brother Jesus is at your door knocking and would like to offer you to take you home. Jesus does not accuse you and the father does not either, you can freely say to him: "Please help me find the way home, please show me who the father is."
As long as it is day, the offer applies to everyone without exception.
And then there is this day when we meet God and know that it is God. But just as we meet a person, however impressive this encounter may be, it is important to "spend time together" in order to really get to know each other. Stretch out after the encounter for more. Not just after a new encounter, but after a relationship, after this "to be born into his family".
God is real, Jesus is real. After he went back home to the father and his work as a human being walking on the surface of the earth ended, he sent us his Spirit to earth. He, the Spirit, can come right to you where ever you are right now and you will feel peace in your heart. It is he who will testify in your heart and mind that what you are reading here contains truth.
Art gallery, newsletter or online shop
Does this picture move you too? You are welcome to purchase it from my online shop in high quality digital Print.
Have a look around in my online gallery, maybe you will discover other works of art in the art gallery that appeal to you.
Do you want to stay up to date? My art gallery should grow with more pictures. "Prophetic pictures", abstract paintings, realistic pictures, figurative motives, my preferences are diverse and I often do not know beforehand what the next picture will result in.
If you sign up for my newsletter, you will be the first to be informed as soon as a new picture appears in the online gallery, is in progress or a new article with a good news is published on my blogs.